Journey : Beautifully Broken · Revelations

Be honest, not careless

When you’re lost where do you begin?
When there’s no hope left where do you go?
When there is no one who completely understands you, what will you do?
When the one you love has left you, how can you start all over again?

I have those questions repeatedly playing at the back of my mind. I cried day and night, soaked with tears and regrets. I even tortured myself by not eating and not sleeping. Being wide awake with my heart shattered into pieces.

Here I am, broken. Surrounded with loneliness and self-pity.

I distanced myself and shut myself from everyone, everything.
I deactivated all of my social media accounts because I just don’t want to hear or see anything about him or about the girl. All I know is today, when I woke up it’s not the same. He’s gone.  The one I thought would love me, he’s gone.

All I can see is still his face, everything reminds me of him. It just hurts so much I can’t even stand on my feet, but I need to. It seems like I was just living to breathe. I’ve completely lost my purpose. Everything seems meaningless.

I tried to hide the pain and pretend that it does not hurt but the more I pretend, the more it hurts. The more I try to hide it, the more it shows. The more I lie, the more it tears me apart. I was trying to comfort myself. I was trying real hard.

Right now, you are reading this and maybe you are thinking what I did and what I  didn’t. Maybe you are searching for answers. Maybe you have lots of Why’s and how’s. I cannot help you to ease the pain but I know who can. I cannot give you any comfort but I know where you can find it.

When the people you love has left,
When you feel like everyone has turned their back from you,

when everything falls apart,
when everything does not make sense,
when you are in the end of everything you thought would not end,
when you’ve come to the end of yourself

You might go to malls or you might even spend time with friends, you also would keep yourself busy with all the things you force yourself to do. That’s fine. I did that. There’s nothing wrong with that. What would make it wrong is when you go home, the pain you are trying to forget, the pain you are trying to ease, the pain you are trying to endure, will get right in front of you and consume you.

When you are broken and lost there would be this feeling of tiredness and emptiness. That whatever you do and whoever you are with, you just feel sad and lonely.  That even sleep won’t help. Everything you do won’t help. I’ve been there.

I’ve been trying and been forcing myself to cure the pain. To forget the pain.
Up until I’ve come to the end of myself. I was about to end it all, but Praise God.
I did not end my life, it did not end there.

I am thankful that God is always faithful to let me feel His comfort and faithful enough to heal my broken heart.

I did not want anybody to know because the pain was too much for me to bear. I’m not saying that I’ve already move on for a month. The pain was still there, lingering. I talk to some people, cry to other people. Sometimes it makes me feel at ease, sometimes it don’t. Sometimes it makes it heavier and more often it don’t.

I was too focused in my pain rather than the comfort God is giving me. I’ve been searching for a hero, been searching for someone to send help, been longing for love. Forgetting that 2000 years ago, A man died on that cross to show His  great love for me.

While I was hurting, with all the questions running in my head, God talked to me and reminded me that it’s okay.

It is okay to cry. It’s okay to get hurt It’s okay to shout. It’s okay to get mad.
It’s okay.  It will be okay.  S
o please, Don’t let that pain consume you.

God honors emotional honesty.  He does not belittle any of your pain. He is with you, weeping.  Tears speak much louder than words. They need no interpreter. The psalmist says that God keeps our tears in a bottle (Psalm 56:8)

This might sound funny to non believers but hey, there is someone who is willing to listen, willing to be shout at,willing to take away the pain and burden from you. You can run to Him empty and broken. You can cry, shout and lament to Him. You can even rant if you would like to, He will listen to whatever you wanted to say.

God knew the hopes of the helpless, Surely HE will hear our cries and comfort us (Psalm 10:17) 

 

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
    he delivers them from all their troubles.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
    and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:17-18


You don’t have to carry all the pain on your own
You don’t have to stop those tears from falling
You don’t have to run away from all those problems
You don’t have to pretend that you are strong when all you want to do is to cry and to roll over hoping that the pain will just go away.
You don’t need to do it on your own
You don’t need to have-it-all figured out.

God wants you. He wants to encounter you. I don’t know what pain you are going through right now, but believe me when I say He cares and He loves, He does.

Be honest to yourself, be honest about the pain, be honest of your struggles, be honest of what you feel and most of all be honest to God.

You don’t need to pretend, You don’t need to hurry. Having a broken heart and healing it takes time. In God’s perfect time, you will now why it happened. Not now, maybe not tomorrow but someday it will all makes sense.

Everything happens not for a reason, but for a purpose. You may not understand the pain you are experiencing right now but soon you will.  It will all come to pass that God will mend your broken heart.

 


So you have sorrow now, but I will see you again; then you will rejoice, and no one can rob you of that joy.
John 16:22


He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever
 Revelation 21:4

All my love,
monica-katakana1

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